My Voyage into Islam

October 1 2016 will mark 9 months since I took my shahada. The time it takes to give birth. So I thought it might be appropriate to write about my gestational period so to speak. The early days were full of excitement, wonder and innocently questioning my sense of qibla direction. Getting the basics down like how to perform wudu, the reason behind wudu and what exactly counted as 1 rakat were a joyful learning curve. Baby steps...baby steps.

During those first young months, I struggled for a reference point. My means of understanding Islam were rooted in Catholicism. I compared and contrasted ideas and methods in the two religions, trying to reach conclusions. My interior dialogue had 2 mother tongues and I felt that I was straddling two worlds. I still am very much straddling those two worlds and I'm guessing this would be much more difficult for a new Muslim who wasn't a born Canadian. That blurry sense of identity is bred in my bones and so it's a place I can dwell quite easily. It's not such a "stretch" so to speak.

Searching for meaning and essence has created a sort of paradox within me. I am a white, middle class (and i say that with a sense of irony), woman with an Italian Roman Catholic upbringing who has taken her shahada and is diving into middle eastern culture and mindset. Shy and unsure of community functions, I remain solitary in that sense, although my hijab is ready to go.

I've been so very blessed with people who have helped me along the road to the straight path. People who have held my hand as I’ve wobbled taking my first running steps into the arms of the truth. I do my best learning when I'm free to explore imagery, symbols, subtext and allegory. It's how I roll.

Unfortunately my 9 months hasn't been all hearts and flowers. I've had Muslims flat out tell me I'm not Muslim. I've had one Muslim tell me I dont know the basics and should forget everything I thought I knew and start over. My favorite scholar is a “devil” simply because he is from the west. People on YouTube are just making their own religion. All knowledge stems from Saudi Arabia and everything else is haram. All that matters is the Sunnah and the Qur’an. Real Muslims dont imitate Christians when they talk. Sick of Muslims who want an easy religion. Pakistanis are mostly terrorists and why should I even consider liking one? I'm just being naive. And finally, all you need to do is learn the Prophet's (pbuh) life and the few generations after the prophet (saw) and live as he did. That's all a Muslim is meant to consider.

This inflamed discussion felt like I had the prayer rug yanked from underneath me. Just because I didn't like how it was presented to me, didn't mean that there wasn't something I could learn from it. “Seek knowledge and wisdom, or whatever the vessel from which it flows, you will never be the loser.”  What I did learn was I'm missing historical information about the life and times of our Prophet (pbuh). My next goal insh'allah is to learn about his life and everything that went on in those 23 years.

So in my 9^th month, I look forward to learning about the historical side of Islam, reaching out to community, and increasing my iman through the pursuit of knowledge. And some metaphysical stuff because it's truly soul food for me.