Dignity and Social Reform: An Islamic Perspective

dig·ni·ty

ˈdiɡnədē/

noun

noun: dignity

1. the state or quality of being worthy of honor or respect
   
2. a sense of pride in oneself; self-respect.
   

Islah or Al-Islah (ألإصلاح ,إصلاح, al-ʾIṣlāḥ) is an Arabic word usually translated as "reform", in the sense of "to improve, to better, or to put something into a better position."

Humans are imbued with an inherent dignity. We have the responsibility to nurture the sense of self-respect inherited since the first man and woman walked the earth. The United Nations Charter and the Universal Declaration of Human Rights state that recognition of the inherent dignity and inalienable rights of all members of the human family is the foundation for freedom, justice and peace in the world. For centuries moral and ethical codes were rooted in the fiber of civilization. Rules and standards of conduct like Chivalry, Victorian etiquette and 1950s post war manners give examples of codified moral conduct in society. Today's western culture gravitates to an ad hoc liberal outlook that no longer tolerates living by “rules” and views these social constructs as just that – constructs. Philosophically, western culture prizes individuality and freedom of expression. A popular view is that moral behaviour abhors individual thinking or is seen as the antithesis of such freedoms. Media shows us how the rebellion against good manners promotes an erosion of quality thoughts, feelings and interactions between people. Increases in shaming/bullying, promiscuity and suicide are staggering. Clearly there is a gap in the way people treat others and themselves and the way people ought to be treated. It would be easy for someone to tell you how things should be, but that is someone else’s solution. When that solution is someone else’s, there is no accountability to see it through. It is only when people feel an emotional and holistic connection to something, that they will truly move ahead. That being said, there is a great need for discussions around how to reinstate outward moral practices through a developed sense of understanding and intrinsic motivation. Two key factors that will restore dignity through social reform include a plan for re-education and people who are willing to become agents for change.

Seek Respect not Attention

“We need women who are so strong they can be gentle, so educated they can be humble, so fierce they can be compassionate, so passionate they can be rational, and so disciplined they can be free”

- Yasmin Mohareb

1. Dignity in Physical Image

A loss in dignity has occurred on many fronts. One of the most obvious for women is that of physical self image. Society gives privilege to outward beauty. For decades, women have been convinced of a certain modality of beauty and the subcontext behind it. The message is commonly, if you look this way, men will desire you and women will envy you. Fashion magazines, movies, and the internet have sold an image for profit and gain. This argument is not new or surprising. The message is always the same. What is surprising is that we keep falling for it. Although the form of the “perfect” image mutates, there is always some facet that every woman is not and could not be, contained within that image. Not only is the source of self-esteem dependent on a materialistic sense of self, it is often unobtainable. The representations neglect beauty of character and erode self-esteem. No one can see what a good, kind heart a woman posing in a magazine has. In fact that is never the point. Seeking respect over attention is a very important concept that needs to be relearned. In order to move away from manufactured idealism, an emphasis needs to be put on self-respect. The psychology of modesty is that your beauty is your soul, the rest is clay.

2. Confidence in Personality and Ambition toward Excellence

Confidence is a major ingredient and should be a centrepiece in the dialogue around women and dignity. Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat Pray Love had this to say about confidence “Too many women still seem to believe that they are not allowed to put themselves forward at all, until both they and their work are perfect and beyond criticism. Meanwhile, putting forth work that is far from perfect rarely stops men from participating in the global cultural conversation. I like that feature in men — their absurd overconfidence...” Not that women need to act as men do, but they should take a que from confident attempts. Once a God given skill is realized, it should be tended to like a mother tends to her child. Development should be broken down into specific, measurable, attainable and time bound goals. If perfection becomes a roadblock, then be imperfect and continue acquiring skills. Building a conversation around models of confident behaviour and attainable steps to bloom in self confidence must be included in the reform of change agents.

3. Mannerisms in Character, Politeness and Etiquette

Abu Hurairah (RA) said, “I heard Abu al Qasim (Rasulullah (SAW)), say, ‘The best among you in Islam are those with the best manners, so long as they develop a sense of understanding.” (Al-Bukhari)

A gain in confidence should not equal a decline in politeness. Building on the intrinsic motivation to show the world your true good self encourages exquisite mannerisms. In today's society it takes confidence to practice what might be seen as “old fashioned” etiquette. Manners have an effect on others who experience them. Florence Hartley in her work The Ladies Book of Etiquette and Manual of Politeness, explains the outcome of practising good manners:

True politeness is the language of a good heart, and those possessing that heart will never, under any circumstances, be rude. They may not enter a crowded saloon gracefully; they may be entirely ignorant of the forms of good society; they may be awkward at table, ungrammatical in speech; but they will never be heard speaking so as to wound the feelings of another; they will never be seen making others uncomfortable by seeking solely for their own personal convenience; they will always endeavor to set every one around them at ease; they will be self-sacrificing, friendly, unselfish; truly in word and deed, polite. Give to such a woman the knowledge of the forms and customs of society, teach her how best to show the gentle courtesies of life, and you have a lady, created by God, only indebted for the outward polish to the world.

A popular rebuttal for educating women on manners is that it leaves a woman vulnerable and shows weakness or frailty. Our culture will not accept turning back the hands of time to the Victorian era. Reform in etiquette require a modern touch. Simple turns of phrases can be extremely powerful. For example when a task is required, choosing the grammatical form to pose the question in can make a positive impression. The imperative ask is perceived as rude and demanding. A more dignified ask is stated in the form of a question that includes the concept of a joint effort. The difference is clear to the listener. “Do this task for me” compared to “Could you help me complete this task?”

The development of tact is a useful tool. Tactful speech is key to maintaining dignity. As Issac Newton said “It is the art of making a point without making an enemy”. It encompasses many things including emotional intelligence, respect, diplomacy, subtlety and courtesy. In short, tact demonstrates good manners. Standing out from the crowd and getting noticed for the right reasons are the result of communication executed with grace and consideration.

A formula to begin advancing dignity in women should include finding and being given opportunities to nurture and actualize their gifted potential, confidence building on a deep and grand scale, practising manners and poise so that actions will reinforce and build on an inner sense of self-respect.

4. Manners within Relationships

Men are the protectors and maintainers of women Quran 4:34

Western culture has a knee jerk response to this beautiful ayat. It reads, men hold all rights over women and must protect and maintain them because they are weak. This could not be further from the truth. Read, men have a responsibility toward women to protect them against physical and emotional harm and assist in maintaining this state. It is only with the realization of the dignity men hold within that they could fulfil this obligation. A man is capable of fully accepting a woman’s gift of herself only if he’s fully conscious of the magnitude of the gift.

“The mission of every man is the dignity of every woman. The mission of every woman is the integrity of every man.”

The responsibility does not fall solely to the man. A woman with rationality to her passion and discipline in her freedom as Yasmin Mohareb suggests, will successfully protect the integrity of men. These eloquent paradoxes examine the reality of the relationship between the sexes. At once acknowledging the nature of passion which Allah has given to both men and women while using emotional intelligence to create positive outcomes of that force. The paradoxical statement of freedom in discipline is like a child obeying a parent. When the child obeys, they see their world open up with privileges and possibilities. Parents want to give their children what is best for them and see them happy. In turn, the responsibility of upholding the dignity and integrity of every brother and sister lies in being children of the Akhirah. The discipline of following our Deen grants ultimate freedom just as a child enjoys the fruits of obeying the parent. Deen as a comprehensive system of life with all its belief, intellectual, moral and practical aspects ensures the dignity of every woman and integrity of every man.

Becoming an Agent for Dignity

There are other concepts which have a bearing on becoming a change agent such as the notion of tajdid (renewal), and istislah (promoting public interest). It's important to remember that we are all drops committing ourselves to the ocean. Who is a change agent? Every one of us. Small projects like practising excellent manners toward Muslims and non-Muslims, making Ramadan treat bags for your co-workers that include an explanation of what Muslims do at Ramadan, giving a homeless person some food, holding a door open for anyone, smiling, praying in public without hesitation, lifting people's moods with a kind word of encouragement, and anything else that you would like for yourself, and whatever you're naturally good at, give to others.