Why Marry?

I've been trying to create characters for a piece I'm working on and like any writer, I've been digging deep into some personal questions. One of the questions my main character asks is “Why can't I find a good woman to marry me?” This is a tough one. I've been soaking in the tub of hopes and fears, lathered with a scrubby sponge of psychology and finally rinsed off with religion to answer this. The response came to me in the form of another question: “Would you marry you?” Without becoming egotistical or slipping on the wet floor of self-loathing, what would his answer be? Probably a mixed bag of yes and no. And it's true we have our faults. Looking for that “perfect” person will probably mean he will never get married because there is no perfect person out there. My main character is clearly not willing to settle for just anyone, and so he shouldn't. Neither should the women that he encounters. Standards should play a part in this very important choice he wants to make. His initial trouble is that he has set no standards for himself.  

Another question came to mind. Why do people get married? An easy common answer is for love of course. But what does that mean really? How do people define “love” and do we even know anymore what real love is? People say love and they mean money, prestige or pedigree, beauty and attraction. You might just find that “perfect” person who seems to have all this. Here is where the imperfection comes into play. They may have money and then loose their job or have prestige and pedigree but become disowned or snobbish and remind you of their “status”, they may be beautiful while they are young, but we all age and our looks and bodies change. Looking to all this and calling it “love” is clearly a mistake. It's based in things that are shallow and mutable. The best chance of a happy life and building real, lasting love is in a person's character. Hence my character's stipulation of a good woman and conversely the encountered woman's stipulation of a good man.

“Good women are for good men” - Surah An-Nuur verse 26

The law of attraction stipulates that like attracts like. So if you are good, you will attract good. If you are not well...you get what you intend. So how to get to good? Reach beyond this world into the next. Good words and good actions go hand in hand. If a person is mindful of their words and actions, they will be good inside and outwardly. Also, it's very important to keep good company. Friends influence the way you act and think. Places also have great influence. Frequenting good places is very important.

And after all this, what is the purpose of marriage? To keep each other company, to procreate, to afford a place to live and provide education clothing, food and shelter to the kids, climb the corporate ladder, grow old together and walk off into the sunset. Until death do us part. What if there were no parting? The amazing idea of working together to keep each other good, and increase each others' goodness to gain a better reward – an eternal one. When I first realized that idea, it blew my mind. How amazing to think that the person you married, the one you cherish, adore, work every day with body mind and soul to see a smile on their face is doing the same for you, and to know that both of you know it is to make Allah happy in his sight. All the while greening your garden with your kind words, deeds and steps toward paradise.